Monster Scholar

This post was sparked by a Facebook conversation about whether or not zombies could ride bikes. I have never seen a zombie on a bike so I said it couldn't be done. My reasoning was that as the brain starts to deteriorate and rot with the rest of the zombie's body, motor skills would be the first thing to go out the window. This would explain their lurched, shambling walk and slow reaction time, as well as their fear of fire. No wait, that's Frankenstein. Anyway, I was adamant that it couldn't be done, that a zombie brain fermenting into goo did not possess the fine motor skills required to balance on a bicycle. And I was wrong. When hell is full the dead won't walk the earth, they will bike! This shocking discovery raises essential concerns about zombie mobility. Far surpassing the question of fast zombies on foot, if zombies can ride a bike, what's to stop them from harnessing the power of the skateboard?   The segeway? If zombies have the motor skills

Promotional artwork and a US trailer have been released for Final Destination Five and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t a teensy bit excited. The number one cause of my glee is the slammin’ promotional artwork. All silver and black, a dangerously sharp number five knifes its way through a human skull. Metal meets horror in this killer image. Second is the appearance of Tony Todd aka the Candyman as Bludworth the mortician now coroner who appears to explain death’s master plan. Todd plays the same character in the original Final Destination, but now it looks like he’s out of the funeral parlor and on the streets describing the carnage like the narrator from Faces of Death . The teaser deaths provided by the trailer are all notably cringe-worthy. Anything having to do with eyes and eye trauma has bothered me since I was forced to watch Opera and the opening scene is of a young woman on an operating table awaiting laser eye surgery. This seems like a bad time for her doctor to

When the tagline to a film is “Two classic monsters. One fucked up movie” your expectations for gore and silliness are high. Vampire Girl vs. Frankenstein Girl fulfills all those expectations and more with a Japanese high school that has a mad scientist for a vice principal, a wrist cutting competition and a showdown between the two title characters on what looks to be a life sized replica of the Eiffel tower. Though it’s a little out there, Vampire Girl vs. Frankenstein Girl gives the gift of gore that keeps on giving in hilarious spades. At its core Vampire Girl vs. Frankenstein Girl is a love story. Keiko is the school’s queen bee with an entourage of fashion clones that remind me of Gwen Stefani's harajuku girls. The daughter of the school’s vice principal, Keiko can have any man she wants, and she wants Jyugon Mizushima played by former CK model Takumi Saitô. Jyugon is torn between Keiko and the transfer student Monami, or the Vampire Girl. When Monami is caught feed

I had the best time this weekend at my first ever horror con. The Texas Frightmare Weekend began as a small con for local aficionados of the genre, but has steadily grown over the years to attract visitors from all over the United States and Canada. The headliners for this year’s convention were Clive Barker, Robert Englund and the trio of Shawnee Smith, Cary Elwes and Costas Mandylor from the SAW series. Also on the program were Sid Haig of House of a 1000 Corpses and The Devil’s Rejects , Doug Bradley and Ashley Laurence from Hellraiser ,  Jill Schoelen who played opposite Robert Englund in Phantom of the Opera , and Malcom McDowell of A Clockwork Orange and Rob Zombie’s re-imagining of Halloween . The big event of the first day was the TFW red carpet and fans flocked to get pictures of the conference headliners. Seeing Robert Englund for the first time was electrifying. I could not believe how cool he looked, sipping what I think was a scotch and chatting with TFW volunteers