This post was sparked by a Facebook conversation about whether or not zombies could ride bikes. I have never seen a zombie on a bike so I s...

Planes, Trains and Zombie-mobiles


This post was sparked by a Facebook conversation about whether or not zombies could ride bikes. I have never seen a zombie on a bike so I said it couldn't be done. My reasoning was that as the brain starts to deteriorate and rot with the rest of the zombie's body, motor skills would be the first thing to go out the window. This would explain their lurched, shambling walk and slow reaction time, as well as their fear of fire. No wait, that's Frankenstein. Anyway, I was adamant that it couldn't be done, that a zombie brain fermenting into goo did not possess the fine motor skills required to balance on a bicycle. And I was wrong. When hell is full the dead won't walk the earth, they will bike!


This shocking discovery raises essential concerns about zombie mobility. Far surpassing the question of fast zombies on foot, if zombies can ride a bike, what's to stop them from harnessing the power of the skateboard?
The segeway?



If zombies have the motor skills to master balance, judge distance and speed, there is a chance that they could get behind the wheel. Humans have always depended on their cars as a key advantage over the slow-moving undead. Cars make a great battering ram for mowing down scores of zombies, but with deadies behind the wheel, these rotting corpses have leveled the playing field in the fight for survival.


And say zombies do have the mental skills to tackle driving a car or riding a bike, why not just take advantage of public transportation which requires no physical or mental effort whatsoever?

Take the trolley...


Ride the bus...


Relax on the subway...

What can braaaaaiiiiiins do for you?

Or zombies can take to the air in comfort and style. I bet the people in first class don't have to put up with this crap.



Stills are courtesy of a film called, I kid you not, Flight of the Living Dead.

So that does it for our overview of zombie mobility. The final verdict is we are all screwed and our only hope is to rent a zeppelin or hot air balloon when the zombie apocalypse hits.

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