The question of who would win in a fight between Edward Cullen of Twilight and Bill Compton of True Blood has been zinging around the net e...

Bill Compton vs. Edward Cullen in a Vampire Smackdown

The question of who would win in a fight between Edward Cullen of Twilight and Bill Compton of True Blood has been zinging around the net ever since Stephen Moyer, the actor who plays Bill, commented that Edward Cullen “is a pussy! He's the Slim-Fast, Diet Coke of vampires.”

Definitely fighting words, but the strengths and weakness of these two immortal studs are going to be put to the test here at Monster Land and the winner will be determined based on the following categories: strength and speed, lethality, age, personal life and diet. Place your bets.

Strength and Speed: Edward is able to criss-cross the forest at amazing speeds and uses his vampiric strength to save Bella from being crushed by an oncoming van. Similarly, Bill is able to zip halfway across the state to kill Sookie’s Uncle Bartlett (who molested her as a child) and makes the Rattrays trailer look like the aftermath of a tornado.
Edward does have one advantage on his side and that’s the Cullen family, combined they could easily overpower Bill who has no allies to speak of. But this match is strictly one on one, making this category a draw. Winner: Draw


Lethality: There are two parts that make up this category: number of confirmed kills and fangs. Bill has taken down at least three people in the first season of True Blood, including Sookie’s uncle and the white trash, V-dealing Rattray couple. It should be said that Bill doesn’t kill at random, but takes out these scumbags to because they hurt his beloved Sookie (a separate issue that will be discussed in the “personal life” section).

With Edward, there’s a lot of bark but no bite. Sure he can leap tall trees in a single bound, but when it comes to a fight with James he lets his family finish the job. Now on to the question of fangs, they are an essential part of the vampire gig. How else are you supposed to rip out your enemy’s jugular, with your blunt incisors? Edward completely lacks these dental doodads, while Bill’s fangs are retractable for easy hiding and access. Winner: Bill

Age: Edward was a seventeen year old boy when he was turned into a vampire and has lived only about 100 years as an immortal. Bill Compton was thirty years old with a wife and kids when he was turned in the midst of the American Civil War (1861–1865). Since then, he’ s lived as a vampire for 140 years making him a total of 170 years old to Edward’s 117. To quote the vampire Lestat from Interview with a Vampire, “One thing is certain; we grow stronger as we grow old.” Bill’s advanced age adds to his powers and maturity compared to Edward’s. Winner: Bill

Personal Life: Every superhero has his girl, and so do these two bloodsuckers. Though Edward saves Bella, he’s emotionally flaky and tells her to stay away from him lest she come to harm. The result of Edward’s conflicting emotions is that he leaves her unprotected, a fact made very clear in the trailer for New Moon.

Conversely, Bill is very protective of Sookie and claims her as his own to shield her from other vampires. He even goes so far as to expose himself to the burning rays of the sun when she is attacked during the day by Rene, the homicidal maniac who killed Sookie’s grandmother. Bella is easily exploitable in her vulnerable position, while Sookie is well-protected and less likely to be used as a bargaining chip in a fight. Winner: Bill

Diet: A well balanced diet is vital to an athlete’s performance in any competition. The Cullens are vegetarians in the sense that they don’t feed on human blood, instead Edward and his family partake of the blood of animals. Bill shares the Cullen’s dietary habits but prefers TruBlood, a Japanese synthetic blend, to munching on humans in his effort to become part of the mainstream.

TruBlood offers a wide variety of products for the thirsty vampire on the go, including O, A, B and AB blood types. They advertise their synthetic blood as “All Flavor, No Bite” but with a disclaimer that “synthetic blood products contain varied cellular content rather than actual blood. Please consult a Tru Blood Cellular Specialist for specific nutritional information.” TruBlood falls short with its “varied cellular content” filler, while animal blood probably provides more nutrients and antioxidants compared to the synthetic stuff. Winner: Edward

And the winner is...Bill Compton! (proving that a vampire needs more than just sparkle to win a fight).


Further Reading:
Bill vs. Edward: Who Would Win in a Battle of the Bites?
Bill Compton and Edward Cullen: Who Would Reign Supreme?

5 comments:

  1. Sorry, but Bill Compton would pick his fangs with the bones of that wussy little metro-Mormon vamp.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Well argued, now all we need to see is a cage fight between Eric and Bil in the ultimate 'Macho Vamp Match 2009'... Ahhh a girl can dream!

    www.musingcontinuum.com

    ReplyDelete
  3. Ms. Harker,

    I swoon at the thought

    ReplyDelete